Trust & Reliance: Got It?

A lot in my life has changed this summer. For example, two months ago, I planned to remain at JBU for another year, serving as an admissions counselor. Since then, everything's changed. Instead of my previous plans, I'm now heading to Northern Ireland for a one-year Master's program. Not only an incredibly unlikely circumstance - or so I would have through two months ago - but also a significantly intimidating change. In this process of my life being picked up and turned on its head, I've learned something really humbling and sobering about myself. I neither trust nor rely on the Lord like I thought I did (something I think was likely a projection of desire, rather than an honest summation). 

What woke me up to it was when I heard back from Queen's University - the first to respond to my application. Surprised that anyone had accepted me so late in the game, I began stressing out about all the pieces that had to fall in to place. UK student visa. Loans. Tickets. Moving. Etc. The stress became so great that I wasn't eating healthy, I wasn't sleeping well, I couldn't concentrate at work, and the list goes on. 

What's ironic is that through this year, I had been memorizing and looking over a passage in Philippians 4:

In everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving,

present your requests to God. And the peace of God,

which transcends all understanding, will gaurd your

heart and your mind in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Ironic and sobering. All year, I had been looking over this verse and then in the midst of the stress I failed to place these stresses before Him and trust Him to provide and take care.

My sister Jenny gave me a new Bible for my birthday (it's a small Bible and will be great for traveling). We talked about worry and how, in many ways, worry is either a sin, or at the very least, indicative of a sin - the sin of not trusting the Lord, his promises, and his character. After getting the Bible, I was flipping through it and was directed to Psalm 37:5, as a response to anxiety or worry:

Commit your way to the LORD;

trust in him, and he will act.

Here's the sobering thing. I failed to truly commit my plans for this year and what I was doing to the Lord. I failed to trust Him and his desire, ability, and promise to act. Rather than allowing God's peace to replace my anxiety, I let the anxiety impact so many aspects of my life.
The reality is that, in spite of me, the LORD/YHWH did act. In miraculous form he allowed my application to go through quickly at Queen's. He's provided my visa and the plane tickets for my trip. I have no doubt, at this point, that he'll provide the loans and money for this year as well.

I'm amazed by a God, so intimately involved in our world, that speaks/acts into our lives - at times, regardless of where we are or what choices we are making - to shape and direct where we go. 

What a joy this summer may have been, had I chosen to present my request to God, committed it to him, trusted him - laying down the pressure I placed on myself - and allowed the God of the universe to act...if I had only let YHWH be YHWH in my life.